The Toxic Cycle

The cycle. It helps to secretly document behavior on a calendar to eventually recognize the patterns.The cycle often spins faster with each incident (less time and greater intensity) like a ball rolling down hill. These same patterns you may see in many relationships and scenarios. #domesticviolence #familialviolence #intimatepartnerabuse #addiction #codependency #relationships

Beware of Human

A story in Numbers 22:21-33 reveals God’s love for animals. In this passage we can deduce the following:

–> God uses animals to warn us and help direct us of His will.
–> Animals have feelings.
–> The angels and by default God see how we treat animals.
–> How we treat animals reveal the condition of our souls.
–> God and His angels consider the mistreatment of animals seriously. Such treatment could warrant severe consequences – including death (by God).

Beware: If a person harms animals, that is a precursor of harm towards humans.

God values animals – we should too.

When Homicide Is the Leading Cause of Death

Many are unaware that homicide by an intimate partner is the leading cause of death among pregnant women and women of infants. Below are a few recent examples of such common tragedies that have been in the news. Visit our page “How To Help Victims” to learn how you can assist women in these dire circumstances.

Evaluation of death certificates from national database paints a grim picture for pregnant women.

Suspected father allegedly shot and killed the mother of a 3-month-old baby as she was pushing a baby carriage with the infant inside on Wednesday, authorities said. Reportedly the abuse began while she was pregnant and she was attempting to set boundaries with her batterer.

The ex-boyfriend beheaded an 8-month-old pregnant woman, authorities said. Pregnant domestic violence victims are at high-risk for homicide. This is why many choose abortion or adoption. Whether pregnant or not, terminating the toxic relationship is the most lethal time for survivors.

Father hunted down, shot, and killed the mother of a 4-year-old and 1-year-old on Tuesday after she got a protection order and moved to a secret location. One of the kids witnessed the murder. The victim’s brother was also shot. Leaving an abusive relationship (especially being pregnant or with young children) is most delicate and lethal. For many women who find themselves pregnant, abortion is often the only way they can potentially survive. The current law gives batterers rights to the children once born.

Husband murdered pregnant wife, who had searched the internet ‘what to do if your husband is upset your pregnant’, authorities said. Far too many women are navigating life or death scenarios. Be less judgemental – be a good listener.

Birthmother | She Is Safe

On this date several years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl while her chosen parents held my hands. Many variables aligned to allow me to make an adoption plan for our daughter. My circumstances were the exception, not the norm. Even when adoption is a viable option, many cannot comprehend the lifelong dynamics and overwhelming emotions involved for the birthmother, the birthfather, the child, the chosen family, and extended families. I hope our world can be more kind, more gracious, more respectful, and more mindful of the fact that there are a plethora of circumstances many are trying to navigate.

Please correct others when they say insensitive and ignorant things like the birthmother didn’t want the baby, adoption is buying a baby, adoption should be similar to the process and price of adopting a dog, etc. I have heard so many painful comments over the years.

And, when you meet a woman, please stop asking do you have kids, how many, where do they go to school, etc. If we want you to know, we’ll tell you. Instead, you could ask about the woman’s hobbies, where she resides, works, etc. To ask a woman about her reproductive status is to equate her value in motherhood. Not every woman wants kids, can physically have kids or always raise them. Nor should every woman have kids. Women aren’t factories. We are diverse individuals with the potential to produce many beautiful things in this world, some of which may or may not be children. We all are processing many different circumstances.

For me, in this circumstance, I am a birthmother and the daughter I birthed is loved by many, provided for, and safe.

The Irony of the Pro-Life Movement

Homicide by an intimate partner is the leading cause of death among pregnant women.

The irony of the pro-life movement is they fail to realize homicide by an intimate partner is the leading cause of death among pregnant women.

For many abused women, abortion is the only means to survive.

If she does survive and gives birth, many batterers refuse to consent to adoption thereby permanently entrapping mother and child in a dire life.

To add to her trauma, it’s not uncommon for custody, including sole-custody, to be awarded to the charming and manipulative batterer. Just as they fooled their victim, they can fool the justice system as well.

Regardless of where the child primarily resides, the child learns to adapt to abuse and typically repeats the cycle as either an adult victim or an adult batterer. 

Such perils are the unintended consequences of overturning Roe vs Wade.

Hopefully, with more awareness and education on these dynamics, the generational curses of intimate partner abuse can be broken. To learn more about the delicate dynamics of domestic violence as well as how pregnant women and the fetus are impacted, explore .

Ponder how you can help save the lives of pregnant victims of domestic violence.

Myth #4 : Substance Abuse Causes Domestic Abuse

Fact: Although substance abuse and domestic abuse share the same last name and are related, they are two distinct and separate issues. Substance abuse of alcohol or drugs does not make him (or her) abuse. Abuse is always a choice and often a learned behavior. The use of alcohol or drugs increase the risk of domestic violence in relationships, but ultimately batterers still choose when and how to abuse. Often abuse occurs even when not under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Therefore, even if a batterer addresses his drug or alcohol problem, they still need to address their need for power and control rooted in entitlement and fear.

To learn more about this myth, click here.


Power and Control

Any woman who fights for those held captive in the dark realm of domestic violence knows the sin of domestic abuse is rooted in power and control. But as I look at the issues of the world and the issues of our heart, isn’t the root of all such sin about power and control? This is not to say the grievous tormenting sins of domestic violence is permissible. But only highlights the simple and sinful fact we all want power. We all want control. Therefore, we commit whatever atrocities and offenses to either get or maintain our false ideologies of power and control. The only control we really have as individuals is how respond to what we can’t control! In doing so, we will exert the power our lives and world longs to encounter.



Can you relate to any of these behavioral patterns?

Domestic Violence and Pregnancy: Why It Matters


You wouldn’t think someone would abuse a pregnant women, let alone the father of the unborn child, but it happens every day. We invite you to take a few brief moments to learn the facts about domestic violence, pregnancy, why it matters, and how you can save lives.

  • 1 in 3 women experience abuse sometime in her lifetime. Many women report the abuse began or escalated during pregnancy.


  • Abuse is not always physical. It can be verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, or even spiritual. It is about power and control.
  • Domestic Violence does not discriminate. It does not care what race or age you are or what neighborhood you live in or even how much or little money you have.


  • Studies have proven when a pregnant woman is in an abusive environment, her stress hormones are elevated, altering her unborn baby’s developing brain. Sleep disorders, learning disorders, emotional disorders, and even eating disorders often manifest in a young child’s life when he/she was exposed to domestic violence while in utero.
  • According to the CDC, violence during pregnancy may be more common than gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, and neural tube effects.
  • Although an abusive partner may strike anywhere on a pregnant woman’s body, often he will attack her abdomen as a means of hiding any bruising while harming their unborn child.


  • Studies also report violence in pregnancy is often associated with an increase risk of miscarriage, low birth weight babies, fetal injury, preterm labor or death of the unborn.
  • Abuse during pregnancy also has been linked to perinatal and post-partum depression.


  • Assaults cause more pregnancy complications than car accidents or accidental falls.
  • Homicide by an intimate or former partner is the leading cause of death among pregnant women.


At Truelove Homes, we understand the complexity of relationships as well as the dynamics of domestic violence and how it can effect not just your pregnancy, but your very life! You deserve to be safe and even cherished. In the event you feel you may need to move elsewhere to protect yourself, please take the time to browse our online resources, which can assist you along your safe passage.