Myth #6: He’s “saved” so he must be safe.


What If He’s Found Jesus?
One common mistake those of faith make is falling for the batterer’s plea of “I found Jesus…And because I am now saved, I am instantly safe” or some other form of new found faith. A faith leader should not fall for such classic manipulation nor encourage a victim to reconcile with her abuser now that he has “found Jesus” or is suddenly professing to be more involved in religion, whichever religion that may be.  Although we can respect any new found faith in whomever, it will take the renewing of a batterer’s mind and behavior before the batterer can be in an intimate relationship with his victim again {if ever}.

Batterers need to be held accountable for the sin of abuse. We want to be careful not to enable the sinful behavior of the batterer nor send messages to our congregations and communities that abuse of any sort is permitted or swept under the rug simply because a batterer is suddenly repentant and claims to follow a faith. If a batterer wants to demonstrate change, he could enroll and attend a “Batterers Intervention Course”, which is not the same as “Anger Management”, and whatever law enforcement allows. A batterer needs to reinvent himself and be held accountable over a span of years before true transformation is manifested.

Fully Exposed

transparentOver five years ago, these hands trembled upon publishing my first blog about my experiences as a formerly battered wife. Prior to that, I learned talking about such secrets only harmed me further. Consequently, I only afforded my God and my private journal the opportunity to listen. Upon exposing such darkness via the world wide web, my heart quivered thinking about how many millions of people potentially would judge me. Nevertheless, I needed to find away for someone, anyone to hear the voice that had been silenced. The more words I publicly penned, the more my private heart began to mend. To my surprise, emails and facebook messages validated my feelings and empowered me to keep sharing my story. Apparently, many other hurting women could relate to this wounded warrior.

Over the years, I kept writing and speaking about my experiences for I found it truly healing to no longer remain in silence but to rather, speak my truth. I also discovered when we can talk about our shameful or hurtful experiences without pain or bitterness it no longer holds us captive. For when we become transparent with God and with others we become transformed.

My girlfriends and I just talked today about how it would seem being alone in the shower is an opportunity to fully expose our hearts to God. It’s amazing how the solitude of the shower can cleanse far more than just our bodies. In time, perhaps we can step out of the water closet and also share our brokenness with others.

Sadly, most of us have been conditioned to tightly fasten our “all is well” mask on as we fight our battles. But in 2 Chronicles 18:28-34, we read about a story teaching us otherwise. In this often overlooked passage, two kings both on same team go into battle against another king. Before going into battle, one king decided to disguise himself by wearing a costume while the other king went as himself by wearing his royal robes. Ironically, the king who put on the mask ended up getting killed while the king who kept it real by being transparent was saved. Essentially, we are only healed or perhaps released from our prisons when we take off our masks and let people see who we really are – our blemishes and all!