On this date several years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl while her chosen parents held my hands. Many variables aligned to allow me to make an adoption plan for our daughter. My circumstances were the exception, not the norm. Even when adoption is a viable option, many cannot comprehend the lifelong dynamics and overwhelming emotions involved for the birthmother, the birthfather, the child, the chosen family, and extended families. I hope our world can be more kind, more gracious, more respectful, and more mindful of the fact that there are a plethora of circumstances many are trying to navigate.

Please correct others when they say insensitive and ignorant things like the birthmother didn’t want the baby, adoption is buying a baby, adoption should be similar to the process and price of adopting a dog, etc. I have heard so many painful comments over the years.

And, when you meet a woman, please stop asking do you have kids, how many, where do they go to school, etc. If we want you to know, we’ll tell you. Instead, you could ask about the woman’s hobbies, where she resides, works, etc. To ask a woman about her reproductive status is to equate her value in motherhood. Not every woman wants kids, can physically have kids or always raise them. Nor should every woman have kids. Women aren’t factories. We are diverse individuals with the potential to produce many beautiful things in this world, some of which may or may not be children. We all are processing many different circumstances.

For me, in this circumstance, I am a birthmother and the daughter I birthed is loved by many, provided for, and safe.